So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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