The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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