Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
