I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
