id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
