like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
