I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
