I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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