i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
