Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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