we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
