38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
two words...techno handjob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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