so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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