On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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