i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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