Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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