I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
