I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
