we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This baby is an asshole
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
