Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
