Sober January is a disaster.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize