We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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