Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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