i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
