We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
