I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
