So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
