I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
