Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
