Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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