Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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