I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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