its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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