I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
