wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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