Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
