I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
