I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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