More tranny stories later!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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