I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
