I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just pee around me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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