You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
