My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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