so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
