She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
