I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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