He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
