i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
