I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
