Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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