pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
