If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
