i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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