Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
