hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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