Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
