i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
