2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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