I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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