So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize