Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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