i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
