god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
