Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
handjob tips. give me some.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
