dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
